Erm, softening a 100-flex boot for an adult? There very well could be something wrong with your setup, but I don't think it's that the boot's too stiff. That's already pretty soft for a full-grown person.
When you flex into your "athletic stance", are you stacking your hip sockets atop your knees? It sounds like you might just be lowering until your knees are in the right spot, with your hips going back as much as your knees are going forward, which would put you back. You want the knees forward, and the hips atop the knees. If you feel more tongue pressure come on as you flex, you're doing it right. If you stack yourself this way, you'll find that nearly any boot will bend just fine, and might even be a bit softer than you'd like. If you feel like you're having trouble getting your knees forward, a spoiler between the liner and the boot cuff might help get you across the balance point where it goes from "really hard" to "totally manageable". That would also give you more leverage over the boot, making it feel softer. In the absence of a spoiler, a folded-up trail map makes for a field-expedient substitute.
I'd be really surprised if the best solution was to soften the boots. For reference, I'm 5'7" and 170lbs, and the only time my 130 flex boots are stiff enough is when it's below 0F outside. I actually just picked up a pair of 150's..
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